"Just going for a coffee"

I read a lot about the types of activities people with various disabilities get up to, to make up their ordinary everyday lives.  "Going for a coffee" is a common one. I'm sure many see that as just filling in time, but it is oh-so-much-more!

Break it down.  First step is choosing the right support worker for this activity. ie. You wouldn't probably choose to go for coffee with your speechie, or your personal care attendant. I'd be choosing one of my support workers who I have a social connection with.  You know, just someone who you enjoy spending time with and can have a regular conversation with. 

Next step.  Deciding where you would like to go.  How should you dress. Can you pay with a card or do you need to take your wallet/purse with cash.  Do you need to stop at a bank along the way. 

The decision of where to go is something that most of us base on the food and coffee available, but for a PWD there are so many other options to consider.  If you are a wheelchair user, the size and accessibility of the venue will be a consideration. Often for people with intellectual disabilities it's things like the level of noise, the closeness of others sitting next to you, having familiar menu choices.  

Remember the movie I Am Sam?  They always ate at I Hop.  Sam's daughter took him somewhere different one day and it was a disaster. They had broken Sam's routine, and there were no choices familiar to him on the menu. (Yes, I really do base so many of my life thoughts on my favourite movies haha) 

So you've chosen a support worker, and a venue.  And then you just "go for coffee". Right?  Sure.  After you park the car, exit safely, and navigate crossing the road (another opportunity for working on road safety) .  Stop by the auto teller and take out some cash. (Consolidating cash handling skills). Head to your cafe of choice, and decide where to sit (wheelchair accessible spot, table away from too much noise, table near a window so you don't have to look at everyone else) .  Then comes the ordering ( another opportunity to build on confidence, appropriate dialogue with the cafe staff, reading a menu, making sure you have enough money, cash handling)  It's complex 'ey!  It's also incidental learning, just by living life! 

And then you get to enjoy the cafe life experience.  A great place to sit and enjoy your favourite coffee, tea or hot chocolate and definitely cake!  Cake is always essential to the whole experience.  

Do you get me ?  "Going for coffee" is a great social experience, giving the PWD an opportunity to access the community as an ordinary person and experience true inclusion. An opportunity to learn new skills, such as social dialogue, appropriate behaviour in public (picking your nose, or sneezing without covering your mouth is not a great choice) manners, cash handling, safety in the community and INDEPENDANCE!  How good do you feel when you go out and catch up with a friend for coffee?  It gives you a sense of freedom from the everyday grind.  A sense of friendship and feeling like your conversation and thoughts are important to someone other than yourself.  And mostly, a sense of belonging... Living life like an ordinary person.  

Since moving to this way of life for A1 his confidence is booming.  So much so that on most occasions he now arranges his own support worker via text messages!  How good is that!!! 

The "C" words. Building an ordinary life

Change.  Choices.  These two words make my palms sweaty. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling that whilst both can be good, there is an element of being comfortable with what you are already doing, even if it's not working all that well!

At the time of our son turning 18, Geelong was about to become the first NDIS trial site. I'd been reading and hearing about for years, how he would move onto Futures For Young Adults funding once he was finished school. But with the NDIS about to be introduced, we found ourselves in la la land trying to navigate it all!  Without boring you with details ( might save that for a future post) we found ourselves in the hands of a very enthusiastic NDIS planner.  

A1 was attending a day program, three days per week.  At the time it was to my knowledge, pretty much the only option post school. That was until our planning meeting.  After a long chat and lots of things been written down, our planner looked up at me with excitement on his face. "You know you have 20 hours of one to one support.  You do realise you don't have to use a day program? The possibilities are endless! You can employ support workers for your son.  You can CHOOSE your own support workers..." And on he went. He filled my head with ideas.  His enthusiasm was captivating.  I came away feeling excited but nervous! The comfort and relative ease ( apart from the daily struggle to motivate A1 to attend) of having A1attend a day program, was... Comfortable! But it wasn't working

So began the thoughts of CHANGE, with all these new CHOICES.  

"All it takes is faith and trust... And a little bit of pixie dust".  I love Peter Pan.

How do you build an ordinary life? We started by listening to what A1 was talking about. He loves sport, in particular basketball and AFL.  He loves going to the gym. He loves being one of the boys.  He loves long drives in the car, listening to Taylor Henderson or Grease.  He loves basketball and the social activity that goes along with it.  We started to think about who might be suitable as support workers for A1.  We drew on our local community resources and came up with three or four possibilities.  Currently we have three fantastic support workers engaged, who work at various times with Andy, supporting him to live his ordinary life.

He actually came up with the idea himself that he could work at Basketball Geelong. First light bulb moment! So we contacted them, they embraced it. A1 works there every Wednesday afternoon as a volunteer, doing various tasks with the assistance of his support worker. A1 is also a player, assistant coach and committee member of our local basketball club.  Most of his basketball involvement is supported by family, however on occasion we use one of his support workers to assist him to attend games etc. when family are unavailable.  He has basketball commitments four nights a week! Plus Sunday training and committee meetings. This is of course, just one aspect of A1's life.

That's how we have started to build A1's ordinary life.  Draw on the persons interests.  Look for support workers who have mutual interests or attributes that will compliment the person with a disabilities goals and dreams. And start thinking outside the box!  A1 is thriving with this lifestyle.  His independence is growing daily as he now has the time to absorb life, rather than living life via the constraints of a structured program. 

PS: it's not been all smooth sailing with the NDIS. But overall our experience has been a positive one.  

What makes a life good? I've been pondering this question quite a bit recently as I've had the pleasure of attending a few events that have explored this very question. As the National Disability Insurance Scheme rolls out around Australia people with disabilities have a real opportunity to pursue a good life. But of course everyone will have different ideas about what makes a good life. My life is good because I have a family I love, a home to retreat to and choices in how I go about my daily life (within reason of course). I get to have my cup of tea in bed on a Saturday morning and in my  favourite mug.  I also get to stay in my pyjamas all day Sunday if I really want to and don't need to go out of the house.

In the not too distant past people with disabilities have often been denied choice in their lives. Or if choice was available it was limited to what services providers decided to offer.  However what we are seeing now are opportunities for people to be the creators of their own lives. Rather than being passive recipients of care, people with disabilities have a chance to be active participants in their own lives, pursuing their own goals and dreams.

Over the past 3 years we've been supporting our own daughter to pursue her own life through identifying her likes, dislikes, looking at what hasn't worked and what has worked in the past. We know what a good day looks like and what makes a day not so good. She finishes school this year so she's been thinking (with support) about what she'd like to be doing next year. She is keen to do some voluntary work at a local animal shelter one morning a week. She wants to do yoga. She has tried out a couple of activities at the local neighbourhood house and this will be an option too. She may be returning to school to do some volunteering in the office.  Like many young people she wants to go out for dinner or the movies with a friend. Or plan a weekend away. At this point she will require support to do these things and we are confident that this will all be possible.

All in all an ordinary life. And a good one.




It's an exciting time. Instead of having to squeeze her unique and beautiful shape into a pre-determined mould she is creating her own space and determining what fits. Bring it on.